Male Socialization:
Why the fathers of tomorrow need our attention today
Notes from a roundtable meeting on male socialization
A growing body of evidence points to the important benefits of a strong father-child relationship. Among these benefits are higher levels of school performance and increases in healthy behaviors. Children who lack a positive relationship with a father or father-figure demonstrate higher levels of teen pregnancy, increased juvenile delinquency, and lower academic achievement.This link between
father-involvement and child-wellbeing elevates the importance of
educating and socializing boys to become competent fathers. Therefore,
in February 2005, the Minnesota Fathers & Families Network (MFFN)
hosted a roundtable meeting to explore the societal influences that
prepare boys for manhood and fatherhood. In particular, the meeting
explored the role of Minnesota’s university faculty/staff and
researchers.
Male Socialization Discussion Notes: Available here.
Goals of Roundtable Meeting: This meeting provided a structured environment to:
- Engage faculty/staff from higher education and research institutions in examining issues related to Minnesota ’s diverse communities of fathers and families;
- Explore the complexities of male socialization in preparing boys to become fathers and family men;
- Review the current research and theory around child development and the influence of male socialization on families and fathers;
- Review “signature practices” that are being used around the nation for promoting positive male socialization in schools and social service agencies;
- Develop initial action steps for participants to promote positive male socialization in their daily work;
- Identify and promote the father-friendly attitudes and values required to train a new generation of family service professionals.
Dr. Harry Brod: Addressed the intersection of male socialization and fathering
- We must learn to “picture positive fathering”. What do we expect fathering to look like?
- Fathering is historically different from mothering. Biological differences may be less obvious.
- Good fathers are wanted: 1) to pass on good masculinity, and 2) to avoid continuing bad masculinity.
- Crying is a way to heal the hurt. Stopping crying doesn’t stop the hurt; it stops the healing. So, men who don’t cry can’t begin healing.
- Parents need to appreciate the intelligence of their children. Do not only correct children, but recognize their growth and knowledge.
- The goal of good parenting is to identify goals of self monitoring.
- Traditional
male socialization has tolerated violence. Therefore, violence may be
considered. over-conformance to an unhealthy societal standard of
masculinity (not deviance or non-conformance). Therefore, one way to
prevent violence is to stop unhealthy socialization of boys.
- Dads learn with their kids during the early years of parenting (two generations of learners can learn together).
- Even during early childhood years, parents should talk to their kids about gendered messages they see on TV or in the media.
- Early childhood years are a prime time for children to learn gender identity and emotional expression. Don’t miss these opportunities for positive socialization.
- Oftentimes, our 21 st Century culture can be seen socializing boys for a 19 th Century lifestyle (we no longer live in a single-wage earner society of nuclear families). Male socialization must adapt to the realities of the 21 st Century.
- When teaching men about emotional expression, many adult men respond better to the term “EQ” (emotional intelligence) rather than “emotions”. EQ sounds more masculine for men who have been socialized to shun emotional expression.
- Dads cannot teach EQ to their children without first looking inward at themselves.
- Book clubs for dads and kids are a good way to teach literacy, connections, and content.
- Children in elementary school need adult male role models who can show positive masculinity.
- It is hard for male teachers in elementary schools because they may feel isolated in the profession and because society does not consider elementary education to be a “masculine” profession.
- We need a public service announcement to help promote the image that real men raise children. Real men teach children.
- Schools and communities need to offer more opportunities for dads and kids to interact in a structured environment.
- Schools have traditionally been used as a way to promote a culture: “colonizing sites”.
- Children can help to educate parents to break their taboos about showing affection.
- Often, younger generations are the ones to help teach healthy masculinity to older generations. For example, younger generations often perceive a clearer distinction between “discipline” and “punishment”.
- Literature is a good way to promote education across generations. Book talks can help to break taboos.
- An effective intergenerational activity: Bring a group of students to a nursing home to engage in intergenerational storytelling. Afterwards, students can re-write the stories in the form of poems, rap songs, etc.
- It is important for teachers to talk with students; don’t talk to students.
- Explore the writings of Henry Giroux who talks about “border crossers” and male / female roles.
- Dads Make a Difference (DMAD) is an effective tool for teaching middle school and high school students about the responsibilities and roles of fatherhood.
- DMAD uses an effective strategy of youth mentors whereby older students teach younger students lessons about parenting and prevention.
- DMAD has been used effectively in urban,
suburban and rural schools. Student-mentors are able to cater their
message and refine it for younger students who view them as role
models.
- Colleges need to teach gender awareness (especially men’s or women’s colleges).
- Men’s Studies is not offered on most college campuses.
- At St. John’s University , the male students find that they are able to “drop the mask” in the evening after women leave the campus.
- Men’s spirituality groups are a growing phenomenon that help college students grow in their spiritual expression and self confidence.
- We need to talk more about gender in new and open ways.
- Men look for more pedagogy of open dialogue and less pedagogy of instruction.
- Colleges must help men to identify and grow into healthy relationships.
- It truly does take a village to raise a healthy man.
Male socialization reading lists
Background reading on male socialization
The
following list of publications was originally compiled for attendees of the
February 2005 Roundtable on Male Socialization as background material, and updated since:
Understanding Male Help-Seeking Behaviors (chapter 2 of Advocating for Nonresident Fathers in Child Welfare Court Cases). Free download here.
The challenge of raising emotionally healthy boys
May, R. Wisconsin Medical Journal, 2002. Free download here.
Masculinities: Cultural influences on men’s ways of being
Kilmartin, C. Chapter 6 in The Masculine Self. Boston: McGraw Hill, 2000.
Literature and positive male archetypes
Brozo, W. Chapter 2 in To be a boy, to be a reader. 2002.
Needed now more than ever: The authentic male
Klaus, T. In NOAPPP Network, 1999. Purchase a copy here.
Black males
In January 2006, the book Black Males Left Behind generated intense publicity about the plight of African American men. View some of the media coverage here.
Canadian boys: Growing up male
In Transition Magazine. Ottawa: Vanier Institute of the Family, 2003. Free download here.
Australian Education Union…Inquiry into the education of boys
Southbank, Australia: AEU, 2000. Free download here.
From shame-based masculinity to holistic manhood
Obsatz, M. St. Paul, MN, 2005. Free download here.
Coaching Boys into Men
View these online resource materials for schools, parents, coaches, and community leaders, here.
Roundtable on male socialization:
Participant recommended reading
The
following publications were referenced by attendees at the February
2005 Roundtable on Male Socialization. The diversity of topics reflects
the background, interests, passions, and academic studies of many
participants. Some documents may be out of print.
Journeyman
Documentary film about men mentoring boys. Online here.
Psychology of Men and Masculinity Journal
A quarterly journal published by the American Psychological Association, here.
He turns boys into men
Marx, J. Parade Magazine. August 29, 2004. Free download here.
White men challenging racism: 35 personal stories
Thompson, C., Schaefer, E., and Brod, H. Durham, NC: Duke University Press. Purchase online here.
Pedagogy of the oppressed
Freire, P. New York: Continuum Books, 1993. Download Chapter 1 here.
A framework for establishing social work relationships across racial / ethnic lines
Velasquez, J., Vigil M., Benavides, E. Contact the author, Eustolio Benavides, at eustolio.benavides@metrostate.edu.
The construction of Caribbean masculinity: Towards a research agenda – A symposium
Lewis, L. St. Augustine: The University of the West Indies Centre for Gender & Development Studies, 1996.
That’s enough! A twelve-minute video about the relationship between bullying and school shootings.
Obsatz, M. St. Paul, MN. Purchase online here.
Masculinity and men’s mental health
Brooks, G. In Journal of American College Health, 2001. Contact the author at Gary_Brooks@Baylor.edu.
Popular child-rearing books: Where is daddy?
Fleming, L. and Tobin, D. In Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 2005. Contact the author at fleming006@gannon.edu.
Sex differences in emotion: A critical review of the literature and implications for counseling psychology
Wester, S., Vogel, D., Pressly, P., and Heesacker, M. In The Counseling Psychologist, 2002. Contact the author, Stephen Wester, at SRWester@uwm.edu.
Demystifying men’s emotional behavior: New directions and implications for counseling and research
Wong, Y. and Rochlen A. In Psychology of Men and Masculinity, 2004. Contact the author, Y. Joel Wong, at joelwong@mail.utexas.edu.